Reply to So sad my child will not have a 'sane' extended family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]The worst thing you'll find as you raise your kids is that people will tell you that your parents aren't so bad, they love you, be grateful, etc. and that the kids "need" these relatives.

These people have no idea what it means to be raised by toxic people or to have parents you wouldn't inflict on an innocent child.

It's wonderful that you are strong enough and wise enough to recognize that YOU get to decide how much of a relationship you want.

Friends can be the family you choose. Glad you have good ones.[/quote]

I so totally agree!  My blessing (and curse) is that the most dysfunctional in my family killed themselves (yes, multiple suicides in my family).  It's easier to be around the family that's left because they're pretty good but if my father was still alive, no way in fucking hell would my kids be around him and I'd have to establish boundaries with my mother so there would be no impact on my kids.  We've been very up front with the kids about my family history because they're more likely to suffer from depression and substance abuse.  Knowledge is power and I have nothing to be ashamed of.

My DH's parents died when the kids were little.  Only one of my kids remembers them and not very well.  It's a shame because they were fabulous grandparents.  But, to paraphrase the PP, your family is who you choose it to be.  Hugs![/quote]

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