Reply to Update: New nephews not fitting into family dynamic

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm the OP from this thread: [url]http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/490410.page[/url] "How do you deal with a situation that is affecting you but its really none of your business?"

Summary: My BIL (DH's brother) married a woman with two children who are not fitting in to the family dynamic very well. They bully their three step sisters. Throw fits over food and video games and manipulate their mother quite a bit. None of the other children in the family want to deal with them because they will only participate in video games and get so enraged when they lose at them.

Got great advice in the thread, implemented much of it. No change. DH has tried doing "boy" things with them along with his brother and he was wiped out by their whining and tantrums. Anyway, on to the bigger issue.

So my father's 75th birthday is upcoming and we are throwing a very big party. I was advised in the thread to not invite the two children but I didn't know how to do that without excluding all children. My dad is loves being a grandpa/great uncle and we are a very close family with lots of kids and that didn't feel right. So I spoke to my SIL as gently as I could. I said the boys would likely be bored and that it is being catered. She said they could play on their iPads and again I stressed that this wouldn't be the time or place for that and she agreed. She opened up a bit and said they miss out on a lot because of their "hobby". She said she was absolutely okay with this. I was open to having them there if she made sure they didn't disrupt any of the festivities planned for my dad, but she said it would be best that they didn't attend. They wouldn't enjoy themselves anyway.

A few days later my BIL said if his new family weren't ALL included they wouldn't attend ANYTHING in the future. A big circular argument started between my DH and his brother. Found out SIL was insulted and pissed I would exclude her children and she now wants nothing to do with me. BIL finally broke down and asked his brother what he could do? He couldn't have his mad at him, he had to side with her, but she apparently refuses to even talk this out. What a mess!

I know some people will ask why my DH's brother would attend my father's party. My DH and his brother are the only family they have remotely close. My parents have included his brother since DH and I got together more than 20 years ago. BILs three daughters consider my parents like grandparents. We've always vacationed during the summer at our family home and have family dinners together.

I know I will calm down and be rational about this later but right now I'm just done with the whole situation. We'll all be a lot happier without the stress of what to serve and having family time taken over by games anyway. BUT, I don't want this stress in my family and I don't want my nieces to miss out on family fun and events.

Help?[/quote]

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