Reply to Could use some advice re not getting drawn in, family secrets and drama etc...

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[quote=Anonymous]So I am the oldest child in a quite dysfunctional, but high-functioning family (at least until recently.)  I'm almost 50, my youngest sibling is 40 and she is in crisis (which is not new.)

Her latest dramas involve medical crises that seem to be largely psychological (which is not to say that they are all psychosomatic, but some definitely seem to be and some are highly over dramaticized), a collapsing marriage, young kids paying a heartbreakingly high price for their parents' drama, and blow-out arguments with our parents.  She and I have always been close but decades of drama have taken their toll and I have gotten better at maintaining some boundaries.  (I also have my own nuclear family to enjoy, care for, protect, and serve as focus to keep me from getting too involved.)

Now she wants to have lunch and "provide context to what is happening in my life.... tell you some things I've told no one other than my husband..."

This reads to me like a dramatic telling of dark secrets that may or may not be true or accurate, but will almost certainly put some of her burden on me, or at least involve me more deeply in her emotional state.

What I'd like to say is thanks but no thanks.  I'd rather not be the keeper of secrets, and especially if those secrets put me in an awkward position with other family members.

However, I am her big sister, she leans on me tremendously, and I don't want to be a source of further pain or splintering in the family.  I want to try to find a way to maintain the boundaries and lack of engagement that I've been reasonably good at for the past 20+ years, without turning away from her when she's in crisis.

Intellectually I know enough (and have done enough reading) to think that I can and should say that I'd rather not hear these things, and that here are my boundaries, etc...

Emotionally it feels pretty impossible to be that firm.

Ideas? Suggestions?  (And thanks - I know that was long.)
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