Reply to Elder care for my abusive narcissistic mother

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[quote=Anonymous]Long story short: I grew up with an emotionally abusive mother (think along the lines of Mommie Dearest: fits of rage, literally foaming at the mouth, spitting on me, berating me, swearing, hitting etc.) and a passive father.  After my child was born, I turned this situation around and decided that this experience has helped me to learn about what kind of mother NOT to be.  For the sake of my child, I have maintained a long distance cordial relationship with her, but have completely distanced myself emotionally and physically.  Up until recently, just the thought of visiting or even calling, brought up a swell of tension and anxiety in me. At best, I could handle short, once a year visits. When I did see her I felt like she sucked the life out of me. Now she is frail and powerless. I'm happy to say that my child is thriving - happy, healthy, balanced and very capable and I am very happy with the mother I have turned out to be. I would do anything for my child. The problem is that now my mother has dementia and my two siblings (who had a challenging but much better relationship with her) are helping her and making arrangements for her. My one sibling is still under the pressure of pleasing my mother. They expect help from me, but truth be told, if I never saw my mother again, it would be fine with me.   My solution would be to put her in an assisted living/retirement center, but my siblings prefer to arrange in home care and help her themselves, which is understandably draining for them.  They lay on the guilt though, and it has strained our relationship.  For the sake of my sibling relationships, and also as a role model for my child on how to care for elders, I would like to resolve this. Any suggestions are most welcome, and thanks for reading this.[/quote]

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