Reply to S/O Elder care for parents who didn't provide child care

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Reply to "S/O Elder care for parents who didn't provide child care"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Consensus in the thread asking why grandparents no longer provide child care seems to be that grandparents don't owe their kids and grandkids squat. Okay, I can agree with that. But is the reverse true?

DH's parents live close enough to help with our daughter and his mother is a lifelong SAHM. She is only 59, but prefers to keep her schedule open to watch TV all day, travel a few times a year, and make gossipy phone calls. So, we pay for child care and it is really eating into our finances. I am fine with this. Our kid, our problem.

Here's the rub: DH's parents have zero in retirement savings. Social security and DH's Dad working until he dies is what they are banking on. I make a good amount of money (more than DH) and kill myself to earn it. DH's mother has started dropping hints lately about how nice it would be for us all to move in together one day. They don't have jack shit to contribute, so I know DH and I would be basically carrying them financially, with the bulk coming from me. That is what DH's mother is after.

Recently, she made a joke about living with us and I responded with a grin: "Paying for child care is eating through the money we'd have helped you with." She dropped the topic quickly. I don't think I owe her and FIL squat. She has spent her life as she pleases, staying home instead of building financial security by working, not giving a red cent to DH for college because thinks kids are responsible for their own education, and refusing to help with her grandkid because she would rather catch up on talk shows.  Am I wrong?  I think DH will go along with what I decide.[/quote]

even if they helped with the grandkid - childcare savings to you would be about ~2K a month for what 4 years? 96K total. a decent retirement home per person is what ~7K per month? So 14K for 2 ppl. 96K buys less than 7 years of care for 2 elderly people. 6.8 to be exact. So if they are to need care for any longer than this - you lose. Perhaps it's better that they don't help?

Stepping away from the math of it there are 2 more considerations: 1) you're showing your kids how to treat elderly parents, be careful what kind of lesson they will take away 2) being kind is hard, but that's what it takes to have any kind of moral values, be it Christian values or just decent people type of values.[/quote]

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