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[quote=Anonymous]I'm pregnant with twins and just discovered my husband has been sleeping with someone half his age (an intern, of all things, which is what I was to him when we met!). I want advice but think I should share our history first.

Throughout our relationship I've found sexually explicit chat transcripts and emails showing he was having online relationships with women (some of whom he knows in real life). At first I would confront him, and after getting mad at me for invading his privacy, he would promise to stop the behavior. He never did for long however, and eventually I mostly came to peace with the behavior and tried to tell myself it's just his version of porn. I adopted the philosophy that monogamy doesn't really make sense anyway and would tell him he can do whatever he wants, though neither of us ever made explicit what that meant.

Our sex life has had its ups and downs. I have a medical condition that makes penetrative sex painful so I don't feel like it often, and it seems like a lot of the time when I do, he suddenly doesn't. So we average perhaps 2-3 times a month for "real" sex, but I try to offer lots of enthusiastic oral sex (not feigned!) to make up it, and across time average maybe 3 times a week. About a year and a half ago we started infertility treatment and started having PIV sex even less often because of the requirements and side effects, though the other forms of intimacy continued fairly unchanged.

I finally got pregnant this spring. The first trimester was rough, and I felt sick constantly and mostly just wanted to be left alone. We had basically no intimacy during that period, and as it turns out, during that period my husband started a physical affair. It turned into an distance relationship when she left DC and returned home this fall. The relationship came to light when I was looking in our shared cell phone bill for something else. I told him what I'd found and said that I wasn't sure I could stay with him. He said that he loves me and wants us to be together and that he'd do anything to make that happen.

I'm still reeling. I think if I weren't pregnant I would leave in a heartbeat. But I am, and overall, we're happy together. I'm not remotely afraid of being a single parent (trying to co-parent frightens me more, honestly), but I like the idea of being a family with my children's father. I'm inclined to stay together. But I'm so disgusted with him right now and so angry and so hurt. I also have no confidence that he won't keep seeing her or others, so I've got to come to terms with an open relationship of sorts. I feel really alone in this so I'm turning to dcurbanmoms for thoughts on how to move forward. Is it crazy to stay together? How do I let go of the anger and hurt? What should his role in that be?[/quote]

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