Reply to Reaching out to possibly drug-addicted estranged family member. Advice needed.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My spouse and I have been estranged from a close family member for about five years now after a bunch of lies and admission of a drug addiction came to light. We tried to help for many months, but the family member refused help, refused rehab and therapy, and essentially abandoned their children.  As far as we know, there's been no progress since then. She has, in fact, gotten into a relationship with a very shady man. We've had limited contact with her, and it's always civil, but I get the impression she thinks we all abandoned her and don't like her, which is not true.

I am considering reaching out via a letter explaining why we believe we are no longer part of each others' lives, and also letting her know that we are here for her when she's ready and if she needs help. [b] The essence of the letter would be that we want to fix things.[/b] In the letter, I plan to mention that we believe this new boyfriend is part of the reason we have distanced ourselves from her and that we worry he is controlling and not a good person. I'm worried that might not be a good idea, but I also feel compelled to do this in case she feels trapped with him/unsafe with him/or he is controlling her. I want her to know she has an out if she needs it.

Does anyone have any other advice about what I should or should not include in a letter like this? I'm afraid of screwing things up more than they already are.[/quote]

You don't need to fix things. She needs to fix her life. You should tell her that if she needs help and is willing to fix her life, then you are there for her.

Be prepared, though, that once you say that, she is going to be pissed and it will put your relationship in the toilet. [/quote]

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