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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Try helping around the house a bit - do some chores without being asked, do some of your spouse's chores, help kids with homework or music lessons, come home early to help out around the house, fix something your spouse has been asking you to fix or you know needs fixing... I know if feel a lot more libidinous if I am feeling respected by a family that chips in without me asking. [/quote]

People say this all the time but I don't know if it's true in all cases. I'm the LL spouse and, like a PP said, this is a situation that becomes a pressure cooker.  Taking the pressure off is helpful.  My DH doesn't like to settle for just "any sex."  Like OP, he wants mutual satisfaction all the time.  Well, that's just not going to happen.  I've asked and asked if he could just have a quickie every now and then to fulfill his needs and ensure that he knows that I love him (I don't just lay there but it's obvious I don't cum).  He can't stand it.  He wants us both to have luxurious sex whenever we do it.  Since I can't fulfill that need, it becomes a problem.  Him unloading the dishwasher isn't going to help.

Sometimes I get upset that it's always seemingly my fault.  Like I'm somehow to blame because I have a lower libido than he does. That adds to the resentment because, even though he tries not to bug me all the time, he is obviously frustrated.  There is a lot of heavy sighing and flipping in the covers when he realizes that I'm falling asleep or too amped up about something else to have sex that night.  He suffers from insomnia when he is sexually frustrated so I offer (and offer and offer) to have sex but unless I'm up for anything and everything, he declines and stays frustrated.  To say it's a pressure cooker may even be an understatement.  But, I just can't love to have sex at the same rate he does.

All this to say:  I'm sorry OP.  You could be my DH for all I know.  Even down to the 5 year old kid.  Your wife loves you, which is why she offers to have sex with you.  She knows you need it and she's doing her best to fulfill your needs.  By releasing any of the tension in the room, you're trying to fulfill hers.  If I had the magic bullet, I'd use it, but honestly, both partners have to meet in the middle.  I think that means quickies, when offered, should be taken advantage of and, to some extent, appreciated.  I can't condone just lying there but know she's trying...[/quote]

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