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[quote=Anonymous]I am hoping this doesn't devolve into a shouting match or war of the sexes.

My DW and I have had libido differences since the kids came along.  The youngest is in kindergarten, the older two are approaching middle school.  My DW is not asexual or a lesbian, but she isn't in the mood unless we are on vacation or if all the stars just happen to align when we are at home.  This results in mutually satisfying sex about 1-2x per month.  We have tried "solutions" from giving her more free time, wine, porn, sex toys, getting off hormonal birth control, but no improvement.  I have come around to accept that this is just how she is and it isn't going to change, or at least I can't expect it to change.

Our latest compromise was her telling me just to have sex with her regardless whether she was in the mood.  We tried that, and I was hopeful she would get in the mood once we start.  She doesn't, or rarely does.  She basically lies there, unemotional and takes one for the team.  She swears she doesn't mind, and she tells me it makes her feel good about the fact she is able to give pleasure to her husband whom she professes to love.

I hate it.  The only thing that makes me feel less attractive than rejection is having sex with a disinterested spouse.  I would much rather masturbate.  So I have stopped initiating all together, and we are back to having sex, decent sex, once a month or so.  But the other 29 nights of the month, there is this awkwardness where we seem to dance around the issue of whether I am going to ask her to have sex.  She occasionally throws it out there in a half hearted way that she has time for that if I want it.

Last night, she asked me if I wanted to have sex with her, and it was obvious she was just going to take one for the team.  I declined, politely.  It lead to a conversation where I tried to honestly convey that I would rather solo pleasure than have sex with her when she isn't in the mood.  She was very hurt, and thinks were awkward this morning.

I am hoping to get some advice from people in the lower libido category.  How can I express to my DW that I don't want to have sex with her without making her feel like she is a bad wife?  That I understand she is who she is and it is preferable to masturbate than have sex with her (even typing that sounds cold).

Thoughts?  [/quote]

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