Reply to Talking about *The Bad* Kid in Class

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DC has been coming home every day talking about "the bad" kid in class - what that kid did each day that was disruptive, how many "chance" that kid got, and how much DC doesn't like school because of "the bad" kid.  (The disruptive behavior ranges from attacking other kids to screaming to smashing things etc.)

So, I'm very sympathetic that it seems like this kid clearly needs behavioral intervention support (or whatever is the best fit for the needs) and hasn't received it (yet?) (kindergarten).  I'm hoping the teacher/school/parents are on this & suspect that's the case -- but

1) what is the best way to talk to my DC about it - I've been trying "XX isn't *bad*, XX is trying to learn how to behave when angry/emotional/etc or learn how to follow the rules" -- (DC and sibling both responded "no XX is just bad!" what works best here?

2) [b]don't want DC to be an disruptive environment or be upset daily by this type of behavior vs. feeling in a safe, secure, respectful environment [/b](to use Arne Duncan's vernacular).  I think it's probably not probably as disruptive as DC is conveying but it's clear there's an issue (and other parents have raised it too).  I was thinking of raising it by raising question 1 with teacher as a way of broaching it, but also don't have parent/teacher conferences/easy opportunity to discuss it until November.[/quote]

First of all your use of the word "bad" to describe a kindergartner makes me cringe.

Second of all as you note 5/6 year olds are not the most accurate or nuanced reporters.

I would try to minimize the talk about the other kid.  I think trying to explain just maintains the focus on the other child.  I agree with the other posters on trying to re-direct back to your own kid and also a simple "you worry about you, not others" message.  I sometimes think the more I try to explain something to my kindergarten the less he hears  Also I'd be concerned that any explanation I might give would we repeated to all his classmates , probably a little mixed up along the way.  I may it a general rule not to discuss other kids issues with or in front of my kid.

If I must address difficulties concerning another person I try to keep it simple and non-judgemental and turn the focus back to my son.  "I'm sorry you aren't liking school - what don't you like?"  "Oh, it can be hard when other kids are ________."  "Let's think of some things you can do tomorrow if that happens again."  And depending on the details come up with some coping strategies such as set at a different table, etc.

To your second point, I think you might be overreacting and would give it more time.  Plus, kid may be picking up signals from you that are making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.

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