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[quote=Anonymous]I have two children one HFA and one has multiple LDs, both are "gifted" in math and science.  No private school could match the math available in our local public school- not even close.  We have chosen to stick it out in public school and supplement ourselves and privately.

Here is what worked for my HFA bright child with major social skill issues:
A weekly ongoing social skills group from early ES to 12th grade.  It included a monthly parent group.  HFA is on going and children can make progress, but I have yet to see a child "catch up"- so the ongoing social skills group provided help as different issues arose.  Think tortoise and not hare.
Boy Scouts- with parent participation and intervention when needed.
Practicing social protocols
Practicing controlling emotions
Sunday school and then youth group in our Congregation.- parental participation until HS.  
Orchestra (or band or chorus)
Try to get the school to do social skills group too- or a lunch buddy thing.

The more he does and the more exposure to people the better.  The tendency is to stop doing social things and that just makes them progress more slowly.  Cultivate friendships with other families with similar children and host potlucks.

DC did not do theatre, but that is another great activity where the odd duck is embraced and included.

This is long slog for the parents.  It requires more years of more intense parenting than an NT child.  Many more.  You can't hire it out, you have to slog through it with them.  Take care of yourself, but know that you will have to be actively involved for quite some time.

In first grade my HFA son was not invited to one birthday party.  When he had his, we invited all the boys in his class to his and everyone but one came.  they all dropped off- no parent stayed.  They seemed to be using it for babysitting.  Most would not look me in the eye at drop off or pick up either.  None reciprocated.  He was at the bottom of the social ladder in a very toxic group. He was ostracized, kicked, spit on.....  We eventually transferred him to another FCPS for the rest of ES.  The refresh button helped.  It wasn't a cure, DC was still DC and still alienated some of the kids, but not all.  He has learned quite a bit- but he had to learn it all cognitively- nothing came naturally.  He still has trouble with sarcasm, nuance and body language- but there is improvement.

He is now a college freshman at a top ten college (for his major) and is starting to build friendships.  It is still hard for him and he still needs coaching, but he is adjusting.  He is the stereotype for his major, so he is with his tribe (think Big Bang Theory).[/quote]

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