Reply to How to Help Lonely Mom as Stepdad deals with cancer

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[quote=Anonymous]My mom is in her early 70s lives out in Prince William County, and I'm in DC. Mom is the very social type, but also very hard to deal with on a daily basis. She was always throwing parties, cooking meals for people and so on, but all of these people have never reciprocated. I've been asking her why she does all this for people who don't seem to be true friends, for years. My stepdad is now very sick with cancer, getting chemo and radiation, prognosis is unclear.  She's now not able to do a lot of the things that she used to do because my stepdad would drive (she can drive-that's not the issue) her all over the place and of course, was her constant companion. Now, he physically can't drive her around all over, and doesn't exactly feel like it either. He just wants to sleep and rest comfortably after the treatments which is totally understandable.

All of these people who she has done stuff for and invited over to her big house for parties and dinners, she says don't even call or offer to visit. (And I never get the full story on what or why-it could be that my mom has done something to alienate her friends, I don't know. But she is one of these people who is such a big personality that it can actually be overbearing and she does always seem to invite drama and feuding, which I hear about periodically.) Of course, now she wants me to come and hang out with her constantly and drive her to do things, and I have three kids with schedules not to mention a house, a job and husband. She'd like to sit with us all day in our house, but stepdad can't do that, so she's dropping a lot of hints that I come out there more (she's been trying to get us to move near her since we got married many years ago) and she's very lonely, and I am sure, scared stepdad is going to die. I should also mention that my brother still lives with her and my stepdad, but he doesn't really do much to help. He has kids and a girlfriend, but keeps as much to himself as possible, even though he's basically been living off my mom and stepdad for years. We see my mom usually at least once a week, have dinner with her, she will sometimes come to the kids sports events on the weekend, but it's never enough. She's now saying how lonely she is and how none of her "friends" care, etc. I would like her to get involved in some other social interest clubs, like movies or something, just so she has someone else to do stuff with, but haven't had any luck online tracking them down. Any suggestions of what we can do to help her out more? Thanks for any advice.[/quote]

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