Reply to I love my husband as a partner but not a father.

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[quote=Anonymous]What would happen if you simply told him you were taking a shower and disappeared for 20 minutes to do it? Would he ignore a crying baby that entire time until you got out? I think it's sometimes difficult for spouses of SAHPs to appreciate that yeah, it really can be that difficult to get a 20 minute shower in if your baby isn't a good napper, or that even if you can get those 20 minutes, they're not relaxing because you're constantly listening for the baby. In their view, when the baby naps, you get a break, can shower, etc., and so when they get home, they want the same kind of break. They don't really understand that they get breaks of a variety that you don't, and that your breaks are not necessarily more restful/relaxing than theirs are. Has your husband ever been on his own with the baby for a significant period of time? It took me going to a full-day activity away from home and my husband being on his own with the baby for him to really get what it was like for me all day, and it really changed his perspective.

As for input on diapers and wipes, ignore him. My husband sometimes wanted me to go with the cheaper variety to save money, even though it didn't work as well. Since I did the shopping and the bulk of the childcare, I just told him that X didn't work in my experience so I was buying the stuff that did. Unless he wanted to start taking over significant portions of the housework and childcare, he really didn't have a basis for rebuttal.

Another thing to keep in mind, OP, is that parenting is a long-term process, and you're just in the beginning of it. People change and they mature as parents. If he really was a good guy before the baby (and not an asshole whose bad behavior you ignored), he'll come around to that again. It can be different for fathers with babies -- they didn't bond with them through the pregnancy the way mothers typically do, if you're nursing he's not doing feedings and so isn't getting as much cuddle time, and they often have a harder time emotionally connected with this little things that don't do anything, don't really have personalities, etc. As your child grows up and your husband is better able to relate to him/her and bond, you might find he comes around in a big way.[/quote]

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