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[quote=Anonymous]I feel badly writing this as I know some parents have it much harder than me. My yr old 11 son has ADHD and sensory processing challenges. I also have a 4 yr old daughter. He is so difficult to manage on a day to day basis. I'm at the point where I'm thinking I must just be a terrible mom. I have absolutely no clue on how to manage his tantrums, defiances, disobedience. Time outs don't work. Calmly talking to him doesn't work either. Rewards don't work long term. No matter what I do, there doesn't seem to be any learning on his part.

A typical day goes like this:

He wakes up earlier than my daughter. Depending on his mood, he may choose to go into her bedroom and wake her up ifhe's excitable. Last night, she had nightmares and slept poorly. I was hoping she would sleep in. Wishful thinking because he went into her room, started talking to her, and woke her up from deep sleep.  I was so upset.

At breakfast, he can't sit still at the table. He jumps up and down, he runs around. Telling him repeatedly to sit down does nothing. My daughter just got a set of colorful hairclips and she is admiring them now that she is done with breakfast. He grabs them, starts putting them in her hair. She's screaming for him to stop, telling him that hairclips are for girls only, to leave her hair alone. He doesn't stop. I tell him to stop and return the hairclips to her. He still doesn't stop. Then I raise my voice and tell him 3-2-1…He stops. But then he starts putting all the hairclips in his own hair, laughing all the while. She starts screaming again to give her back her hair clips. He doesn't.

Each time my daughter plays with any toy, he tries to take over the toy. If she engages in pretend play alone, he jumps in and takes over the pretend play. He seems so impulsive and unable to control himself. Sometimes she thinks he's funny but usually she is overwhelmed by his hyperactivity and annoyed that he takes over.

He is messy beyond belief. Our entire car is clean, almost always, except for where he sits. He brings pinecones, grass, crumpled leaves, acorns, whatever he found that was interesting that day and dumps it in his area. It is practically a forest there now. It would be a wildlife sanctuary except I had to put my foot down with bringing in frogs, lizards, and other things like that.  No matter how many times we ask him to not bring such things in the car he doesn't listen.

We tried Concerta but it changes his personality too much. He is such a happy go lucky kid and on many ADHD meds, he is depressed and somber. The meds suck the life out of him.

Despite driving his sister and us crazy, he loves his sister deeply. Once I got upset with my daughter and spoke to her in a firm tone. He was so upset with me that he started crying and begging me to never speak to her that way. He said he would rather take her time out or do whatever he needed to do to correct or help the situation, but could not stand to see her be disciplined or spoken to in a firm tone of voice. So he has feelings and there is love and goodness deep in his heart. Sometimes though it seems like it's just for his sister and not us.

I feel like a terrible mother because sometimes yelling is the ONLY way he will stop doing whatever he's not supposed to be doing.

What can I do?[/quote]

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