Reply to S/O Reality of marriage for late 30s woman

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[quote=Anonymous]For all the DHs complaining about lack of sex and wives who aren't affectionate any more, here's your chance to see the other side:

I have never been attracted to bad boys.  The sweet, hard working guy was always the one for me.  I am hard working too.  I have been on my own since 18 and put myself through college and grad school.  I busted my ass to pay off my debt by my late 20s and was self sufficient with a great job when I met DH.  DH was a nice, shy guy from a two-parent family.  Didn't believe in gende roles and in the early years, we both busted our asses at work and we both did chores.  He talked a good game about being an equal partner and father once we had kids.  Well, we decide to conceive.  DH is over the moon throughout my pregnancy.  Then kid arrives.  He completely drops the ball.  I do everything from waking up at night to bedtime, bathtime, pediatrician appointments.  DH's excuse is that no one taught him how to take care of a baby, but complains of tiredness when I try to involve him.  Mind you, no one handed me a manual either.  Just to get him to do chores is a fight.  I cook, I clean, I fix things around the house.

Fast forward two years and countless fights.  I am making way more than him now because I was hungrier at work.  I want to give up and let the home go to rot, but what kind of life will that be for my little girl?  DH is also fat, having gained on a stocky frame.  We ate together while I was pregnant and both gained 30lbs, but I lost the weight and he didn't.  I am 124lbs at 5'8 - thinner than I was when we married - and have a four pack.  Chubbiness can be cute and weight wouldn't bother me so much if he wasn't also lazy.  A person should never be both fat AND lazy.  He knows he does not deserve me and lives in fear of losing me.  But the fear just makes him sad and depressed, which increases my contempt for him.  I rush to vanquish my fears; he is defeated by them.  I am not interested in sex with him and when we have sex, it stinks.  He doesn't go down any more, finishes in 5 minutes, just awful.  I still love him and want to save this marriage for my daughter's sake, but I feel tricked.  This is not the marriage I expected at all.

I wonder how many of the whining beta DHs complaining about no sex on this forum are just like my DH.  Why would anyone want to have sex with you?[/quote]

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