Reply to How many times to do deal with a mentally ill parent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you misread my post.  H wants to cut her off.  I don't think he will - in fact, I know he won't based on his response when I asked him to promise that she could not longer stay in our home.  What I care about is that H no longer be stressed constantly by her behavior and that she not be allowed to stay in our home (truly, I am scared of that - she has done some very bad and disturbing this and if she continues to stay in my home, locks will be put on bedroom doors).

I want to know if anyone actually got to the point where they really did cut their parent off.  Or at least put severe restrictions on their relationship.  [/quote]

PP above here.  I'm sorry to say that I don't think it's possible for your husband to not be stressed by his mother's behavior.  It's just the nature of having someone in your immediate family with a debilitating mental illness.  It's not fair and it's really, really horrible.  But if you have the hope that you can protect him from tress, I don't think it's realistic.

I do think it's healthy to set boundaries such as saying she can no longer stay in your home while her symptoms are so unstable.  Does she live with you, or are you talking about visits?

I did get to the point that I have severe restrictions on my contact with my mom.  She lives 300 miles away in assisted living.  I call her a couple of times a week, sometimes more, but I only visit her every few months.  It is too draining and exhausting.  She has come to visit me once since I had a child and that was okay, but it was only for 4 days and I was really strict with her about what I would allow and said I would drive her home immediately if she did not cooperate.  I know it sounds harsh, but it was over Christmas and i was not going to let her ruin my son's Christmas as she had ruined all of mine.  Thankfully, she was well enough to cooperate and we had an okay visit.  I'm not sure I can ever do it again, though.  Too hard.[/quote]

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