Reply to Sick Mother (Difficult Personality, Untreated Bipolar) Moving In Temporarily

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I need practical advice on how to draw boundaries with my mother - who is temporarily moving in with me and my family as she undergoes medical tests.  How do I draw a boundary on the length of time for her to stay? How do I draw boundaries for her on other stuff (she constantly tries to fire my au pair or cleaning lady, does crazy stuff)?  Should I even let her move in? Has anyone else had experience with a mother who is bipolar (but refuses treatment), who is anxious and depressed, divorced/single, has alienated herself from the rest of the family because she has a "difficult personality," where her doctors don't like her because she is mean/difficult to them? where my mother has been a difficult and destabilizing presence in my life and I am terrified to have her enter my life and live with me - afraid she will never leave?   My mother is also resistant medical treatment but her doctors think she has cancer and I need to get her tested/treated - part of the reason I am inviting her to stay with me for a week or two is to be sure she gets tested - she is already sick with a hemoglobin level of 6 (instead of 15) and is refusing blood transfusions so I don't think she is getting enough oxygen to her brain to think clearly? so an already difficult/crazy personality is not even more hard.... I am at the end of my rope and have an appointment to see a therapist....but I need to know if anyone has had an experience like this?  should I (1) let her move in for a limited amount of time then get her settled back in her apartment (10 miles from me) (2) not let her live here much longer because she will unravel me (I feel like this is a "bad daughter" act not to let her stay for a while; or (3) if the doctor discovers she has late stage cancer, is it my duty as a daughter to invite her to stay at my house until she dies?[/quote]

If I understand you correctly, she has an apartment of her own. If she were my mother, she would be going home to her own apartment. I would take some time off to take her to testing and to get her set up with home health care as needed. It is absolutely not your duty to have her live with you until she dies. She can stay at her house with help until she is too sick to do so any longer and then she can go to an in-patient hospice facility. [/quote]

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