Reply to Anyone's parent remarry quickly after loss of spouse?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, this happened to me.  My mom died unexpectedly.  I was away at school, did not cope well, and I handled it badly (called Dad and cried to him every night about my mom, then called other family members and cried).  It really messed me up when he announced after two months that he was dating.  He got angry when I was upset about this, and when I told him how it made me (and my siblings) feel, he told me, "Well, you're wrong."  I cut him off because I honestly couldn't handle the pain, and I was very suicidal in that time.  Looking back on it, it makes me angry that he glossed over my feelings and didn't slow things down and put me in therapy, or get us family therapy; he only cared about his girlfriend, and the next girlfriend, and the next girlfriend.  So I lost my dad and my mom.  This messed me up on so many levels and really influenced how I related to men in my 20s.  Looking back at this, I'm not sure how helpful it will be to share with you, except to let you know that I understand what it is like when friends and family tell you that you need to be understanding because your surviving parent is "grieving", and that they seem to overlook the fact that the children are also grieving (and that they can't replace a parent in the same way that the parent can replace a spouse).

My dad and I have no relationship now.  I see him once a year, and only then because I return to visit other family members; he never even told me when he remarried a few years ago.  But I have come to terms with the fact that I need to do what my dad did: put myself first for the sake of survival.  My best advice for you is to remember that family members and your mom's friends do not really want to think about the implications of her hasty marriage on her children.  They just want her to stop being sad so that life is more comfortable for them/her.  And since you don't live with her anymore, it is sometimes best to just remove yourself from the situation so that you can lick your wounds and heal enough to live on.

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