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[quote=Anonymous]Everything stems back to my childhood. My mother abandoned me when I was a toddler and I was unable to connect with my father. I just remember a lot of silence and confusion as a child. There was never anyone to talk to when I had problems with friends, boyfriends, starting my menstrual cycle. I was very shy as a child. I still struggle with confidence and voicing my opinion at age 27. I spent a lot of time alone in my room.

I left home at age 18 and met an older guy. We were together for 5 year's. He basically took care of my financially and emotionally. We broke though when I finished college. Looking back the guy was a little abusive. I truly loved him though. This wasn't a sugar daddy thing. We lived together my entire undergrad.

Luckily, I have a fantastic husband and a baby on the way. It was just a matter of figuring out how to find a nice guy. I don't see my father or speak to him often. I'm almost always the one who reaches out. He usually will ask how Iam and then cut the conversation short. Often he says he will call me back but never does. I get so frustrated with him. Also, in my early20 s he rarely called me to ask if I needed anything. My boyfriend could never understand why he wasn't worried about me. I went out of state for undergrad. He never came to visit me there. My father also used drugs ( weed) and I was very embarrassed by this. I never introduced my ex boyfriend or my husband to my father.

I'm also very resentful he didn't care much for my education growing up. I grew up in a middle class neighborhood and all my friends had parents who would help them with their homework and in general cared about them. I can't understand how I got through school with the horrible handwriting I have now. How did my parents not catch that? Because of this I struggle with keeping jobs.

Overall though I have truly overcome lots of obstacles from my childhood. I'm employed, have healthy eating habits and am very capable of loving people. I actually get so depressed when I go to visit him. It's almost like a culture shock. I hate hate hate drugs and my dad can't seem to stay away from this for the 1-2 days I have came to visit.

I'm not sure why I'm posting. Perhaps there's someone out there who can help?

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