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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DD used to confide in me and now she doesn't like to tell me anything. Every now and then she will vent about something just a little. But as soon as I respond, she shuts down and says she doesn't want to talk about it.

She has a lot of social issues to work through. She needs help and I want to be there for her. Sometimes she really is being treated unfairly by her friends/peers, but[b] often it is her own fault. I am not gong to sit back and feel sorry for her when I witnessed her bad attitude. So I call her out on it when I see it.[/b] I'm sure that this is why she shuts down, but what else can I do? People tell me that it's just adolescence and she will figure it out. But she's 14 and she has been this way since preschool. It's not getting any better. I would like to take her to a counselor, but she would hate me for it. I'm afraid it would make things worse.

I just want her to feel like she can talk to me again. Any suggestions?[/quote]

[b]She's not confiding in you because you're criticizing and trying to problem solve instead of letting her talk about her feelings and figure it out herself.  Listen, don't judge. [/b]

Maybe read How to Talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk? http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663889[/quote]

As a parent with a tween who has tried this method for years, I can say it's not always the best approach.  Kids can't always figure out why things or going wrong or problem solve. They often continually try the same tactics over and over. They often say all the right things to you as a parent but don't put them into practice.  I found I had to listen and then offer a few strategies to solve issues.  I didn't say which one to choose but I did say to choose one and do it.  If I had just kept listening and mirroring, she would have gained nothing and continued to go round and round. Once she really had concrete ideas and was basically told to do one of them, things improved.[/quote]

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