Reply to mama drama (narcissistic personality disorder edition)

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[quote=Anonymous]I need some advice on dealing with my mother.  we were estranged for several years. Life is fine as long as you do things her way. Any exertion of independence and she attacks. It is very toxic.  She refused to come to my wedding, calls me nasty names, and knows what buttons to push to make me feel like crap.  I was in therapy for a long time and know that these are her issues, not mine.

My husband and I  moved across the country and we have a polite relationship with her. We talk once a week (where I can control the situation). It is frustrating because she rewrites history and has never apologized for the myriad of ways she has hurt me over the years.  She knows she has hurt me because I have written letters, tried to have calm conversations but she just uses anything I say against me and paints herself as the victim. I get angry with myself that I keep getting sucked into the manipulative cycle.

She is very sick at the moment. She probably only has a few years left to live. She has been on a downhill slope for a while and out of guilt, I am going to visit her with my kids in a few weeks. I am dreading it with every fiber of my being.  The latest is that initially she had offered to pay for our trip since she cant travel and she wants to see us. I will be staying with them for a week and then extending the trip a few days to see some local friends. My mom knew about this for months. She let me know over the weekend that she will no longer be funding the trip because I am extending the trip to see friends.  sigh...

I just need to get through this trip. Any advice?  I told my dh that after this I am done. I will call her but I cant get sucked backed into this viscous cycle anymore.

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