Reply to How Can I Be Supportive but Maintain Boundaries -- Brother in Abusive Relationship

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[quote=Anonymous]My brother has been dating a crazy woman for 2 years.   She's borderline (diagnosed, not just conjecture).   It brings out the crazy in my brother, and he's been no saint, either.   But she has beaten him down like I've never seen.   He's about $400,000 in debt over her, she has cut him off from all his family and friends and doctors (including his psychologist and regular physician), he doesn't feel he can get anyone else. She is the "only" shot at family he has.  But what kind of family???? She's verbally abusive to his two kids.   She's told him flat out she despises his kids and they make her sick.  They've had police involvement.   None of this stops him from staying.

There was briefly some hope, where they broke up recently.  He's come back to family for support, and we've been super-supportive.   We helped him reconnect with family, friends, and medical professionals, and there seemed to be hope that he'd escape.

But of course now he's back.  And he doesn't understand why we (family) have nothing left in us to support him while he stays with her.   He wants us to love her like he loves her.

This is half-killing us emotionally.  We can't bear to see what it does to him, much less his kids.  I've been focusing on his kids the past 18 months, trying to help them (teen/tween).  On one hand we want to be supportive if he leaves her.  He's certainly not strong enough to do it alone.   But we don't know how to show him we love and support him, but not the relationship.    It's so hard listening to the hell she puts him through.

Anyone been there and done that?   I hate the rollercoaster of emotions.   [/quote]

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