Reply to I'm a teen, and I'm struggling to come to terms with my sexuality.

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[quote=Anonymous]You're only going into eighth grade. I know it's hard to feel in flux, but it's REALLY okay to not know for sure right now. I know so many men and women who haven't figured out their sexuality until their late 20's or early 30's. I also know a few gay and lesbian people who've known since they were six or seven years old. My point is there's a LONG window of time to figure this all out. For many people sexuality is fluid. So you can be attracted to men mostly, but women just sometimes. Or you can be attracted to women mostly and only one man. A friend of mine is attracted to personality and character, whether that comes in a man or a woman. She's dated both. It's okay to go through a phase of liking girls for a few years, then switch to boys, then back to girls, etc. Nobody requires you to announce your sexuality and stick with it, you know? It's okay if you decide you're gay but also decide it's not safe to be out and to only date guys or not date at all until you get to college and are in a safe environment to date girls.

You've poked around the internet enough to find this place. I bet you could poke around to find support groups for teens who are gay or lesbian or unsure. You can always contact PFLAG (it's for parents of kids who are gay) and ask them to point you in the direction of local support groups for teens like you. My daughter is going into seventh grade and she's on some committee at school that supports gays and lesbians and transgenders at her school (she's straight). Does your school have something like that you could join? I guarantee that unless you are in a one-room schoolhouse a la Little House on the Prairie, you are NOT the only kid at your school confused about these feelings.

Here is a link to a video by Shane Dawson. He's around 27, and just came out as bisexual. He's super emotional because he's STILL confused, and he's over ten years older than you are! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPdE3rbqf_Q

Then do a search on Youtube for "It Gets Better" - check out the one by Dan Savage, among other people. It's a slew of videos done by famous (and some non-famous) people who are gay or lesbian basically telling people just like you to hang in there, things get better. There are other kids in Virginia going through the same thing you are. Do well in school, do well enough to get into a college in a big city. You'll find more people who are non-traditional in big cities. As you get older, you'll feel more clarity in your sexuality and will have a better idea of what you're trying to tell your mom. Definitely look for someone in your family (immediate or extended) who you can talk honestly with. It helps to have someone just to listen.

Hang in there. It really DOES get better. The pressure just ... lessens. The intensity lessens. [/quote]

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