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[quote=Anonymous]A widow named Betty passed away at the age of 94, leaving an estate worth that consists includes about $200K in liquid assets/accounts and a paid-off home worth well over $800K. Betty's sole heirs were her three adult sons: Joe, Bob, and Larlo. Betty's will specified that her estate should be split equally between the three, and she named Joe's adult son, Joe Jr. ("JJ") as the executor.

Per Betty's instructions, JJ arranged a traditional church funeral with repast following, but due to circumstances beyond anyone's control Betty could not be buried at that time. Her ashes were instead buried a few months later, and a short graveside service was held, followed by a small reception at her home.  JJ used estate funds to pay for all of these events.  Meanwhile, for various reasons that are not in dispute, it is taking a while to wrap up the estate and get the house on the market.  Also during this time, tensions have been building between Joe and Larlo about various issues unrelated to the estate, and it's gotten pretty bad.

Joe has decided to throw a party to honor Betty's 95th birthday and gather the family in her home one last time before it is sold. It's just a BBQ so nothing extravagant, but will probably end up costing at least $500. Bob is fine with it, but Larlo has a wedding that day and cannot attend. (Joe did not clear the date with anyone--he never does, that's just how he is.)

Now Joe is expecting the estate to pay for the party.  Bob is fine with it, but Larlo is NOT fine with it. JJ doesn't really think a THIRD event is an appropriate estate expense, but it's a small amount of $ and if all of the beneficiaries were agreed he would have OK'ed it.  But with Larlo's objection JJ doesn't feel he can. Now Joe is being a huge jerk and saying "well it's 2 against 1 so the estate pays." JJ doesn't know much about estate law but he's pretty sure that's not how it works. Now Joe has proposed that JJ have the estate pay for the party but "charge" it against their eventual proceeds only, not Larlo's. JJ's not sure if this is kosher but he is really pissed at his father for dragging him into this over an amount that his dad could cover out of pocket without blinking an eye.  Clearly it's not about the money-- Joe is trying to make a point to Larlo about other things. The cost of involving a lawyer would be more than the party itself so there's no point in that.

What should JJ (aka my DH) handle this situation?  Whatever happens he will make sure to scrupulously document and make sure everyone comes out equal in the end, but in the meantime ??????  Thanks so much for any advice!

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