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[quote=Anonymous]Mom and I have always been close. Chatted weekly on the phone (she lives 1000 miles away). Shared humor, interests, etc.  a very natural relationship. She was always generous and giving with her family and friends. Our relationship is no longer what it used to be and I don't know what happened.

For the past few years I've noticed that she doesn't inquire much about kids, doesn't care to listen to my anecdotal stories, ignores topics I bring up, etc. on the other hand, she loves to share with me. Details about her house and renovating, dreams she's had, books she's read, details about the lives of acquaintances she knows. She knows more about the lives of her waitresses' children than her own grandchildren.

She's also become selfish with material items. Buying and doing more for herself and wanting others to buy things for her. She used to be a true giver but she has lost the joy in giving to us. She never asks what the kids are into or what they want for birthdays. She was never this way before. She still sends gifts and monetarily they are generous, but they lack the thought she once put into them. She doesn't have interest in me talking about the kids so she doesn't know their interests are or what toys and books they already have.

Before you tear me apart, we give more than we can afford to her. I have given her art off of my walls, anything she admires I offer or give to her, thoughtful / sentimental gifts, art from the kids, etc.  my husband and I rarely exchange gifts due to a tight budget. If I receive a giftcard, I spend  them in others not myself.  I mention this because I get the impression she judges me anytime I buy anything - back to school clothes for the kids, books for the kids, etc.  and I know it's all just petty stuff but the fact that she's lost the joy she once had in giving is sad.

My mom is well off. She lives well. We are on a tight budget. I choose to be SAH with my special needs son and daughter after having a career for 12 years . I volunteer and our family stays involved in the community. Mom was a SAHM and now travels everywhere but here. She hasn't visited us in 10 years. We visit them 1-2 times per year.  She asks occasionally if  I plan on going back to work. Maybe because she knows we are tight on money. For now, this is working for us. My time helping my children is more precious than money.

She loves to talk about expensive homes, cars, renovations, trips, etc that her other family members have a hard time relating to since no one else in her family lives her lifestyle. She attempts to self deprecate about her looks, weight, money, etc - but she spends a lot of time in spas, is thin, and is financially set for life. Me on the other hand  :(

Conversations no longer flow naturally with us as they once did. She doesn't seem to genuinely care or show interest in my  life or my kids lives. Our relationship is now superficial. We used to be extremely close.

I dont see any signs of dementia. She's healthy and active. Her other friendships are fairly superficial, but she at least listens to them. If I bring up a topic - a Current event, an experience, , pop culture, make up recommendation, etc she doesn't extend the conversation. She doesn't ask questions or want to hear about it further.

I'm venting and my thoughts aren't particularly organized here. I'm just sad and mourn the loss of our relationship. I don't know anyone else going through this. My lifelong friends are shocked by the turn in my relationship with my mother as it was always so good.

And no, I am not perfect. Not the perfect daughter, at all, but my heart has always put my mother and my family first.

Comments welcome.

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