Reply to "Demand" teen speak respectfully, or just let it go?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our 14yo DD is a great kid, but definitely metamorphosed into an often cranky teenager this past year. Sometimes it seems as though every single interaction we have with her is laced with her sharp-edged tone. Call her name, and she replies "What?!"; ask or remind her to do something, and she cuts us off brusquely with "okay, okay!" and leaves the room while we're still talking; and don't even get me started on her "sorry"s--they are the sorriest and most hostile I've ever heard. I know this all sounds petty, but--wait for it--we never would have spoken to our parents that way.

Do you tolerate this kind back talk from your teens? If not, what is the consequence and--most important--does it work?[/quote]

Ugh.  Going thru this phase (again) with our 15yo DD.  What I said last night-
- I asked what she's angry about (mumbled "nothing")
- I pointed out that her behavior is telling me something different.  If she is angry, I would like her to tell me.  If she isn't angry, she needs to re-think how she's acting.
- I simply said that if she continues treating us like this, I will not take her to X in the morning.  
- Later, I expanded a bit and said that if she wants to start drivers ed, get her license, and start having more independence like her 17 yo brother, she needs to show respect and maturity more consistently.  If she doesn't understand those expectations, she needs to ask me for clarification.  I stated that she has been acting more like a 12 yo than a young adult.  If she wants more independence (soon) then she needs to improve how she treats people.  Everybody has bad days and she is entitled to her feelings but I expect her to treat us with as much respect as her coaches, teachers, and friends' parents.

In short- don't bite the hand that feeds you.  I was 100% ready to follow thru on my threat of not taking her to X today and she knew it.

We've also had many conversations on HOW things are said can trump the words used.  This appears to be the case with your DD's "sorrys".  Tone, delivery, and non-verbal communication should be addressed, IMO.  Our daughter has never called my wife a bitch but based on the tone she's used, that's exactly what she's saying.  [/quote]

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