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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks for the replies. We already do a lot of this (giving him autonomy and choices when we can, etc). And overall he's cooperative/well-behaved. But he has spells of awful behavior. Doing mean things to little sibling, speaking really disrespectfully, etc. To the ice cream example above, when he's in this mode, that answer would lead to him pitching a fit about wanting it NOOOOWWWW! Or giving a choice would result in "neither one!"  We are trying to make sure he gets enough sleep; that is one possible explanation lately. I agree that finding and fixing the root cause is best, but I was also wondering how other parents deal when this behavior does occur. For those who don't tolerate a disrespectful tone or tantrums, how do you nip it in the bud? Thanks. [/quote]

Ice cream:  I do the same thing PP does by saying yes with qualifiers.  If this results in a tantrum, yes becomes no, and if the tantrum gets worse, the child is given the option of regaining control in the kitchen or in their room.  If they have to go to their room, they will stay there until they are in control.  One child has gotten so that she will start to tantrum, pause and look at me, turn around and stomp up to her room.  Yes, there's a bunch of yelling and screaming for a few minutes, but it's muffled through the door, then she calmly comes down to rejoin the family.

Choices are a privilege.  If a choice results in no or neither one, I choose, and because I don't offer choices where I don't like one option, it works for me.  I make sure to remind the child later that the reason that they aren't happy with the result is because they decided not to choose, so I had to choose for them.

Yes, sleep is important, but there will be times when kids are extremely tired, and they have to know that the rules apply all the time, not just when they are happy and well-rested.[/quote]

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