Reply to my kid is a lot like me and i don't think it's good

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]my 6 year old daughter has a lot of traits that i had - is kind of shy, is slow to warm up, has a lot of anxiety about new places, would rather stay home than do anything, and is close to only 1 or 2 good friends...

i worry about this a little, b/c i see myself in her and i was a pretty lonely kid until 9th grade - i was never good at making friends or knowing what was cool. I was pulling my socks to my knees when that was hopelessly uncool and i just couldn't "see" it. I was also more immature than other kids - i overheard my parents talking about buying a new car and mentioned it at school - when  no new car materialized, i remember my classmates mocking me for the rest of the school year "well, where's your new car now?"

My daughter is also quite different from me, in that she is more social than I was... And I have been super involved in her schools, which my mom wasn't - in the effort to help her make friends/fit in more easily. I'm also trying to encourage her to be more independent than my mom allowed me to be - I have my DD taking the after-camp bus every day, for instance.

Still, I find that I get frustrated [b]when she is too much like me and I can't figure out the best way to respond. [/b]Recently, she's been crying at bedtime and wanting me to lie with her and being more weepy - I think the day at camp is long and we need to put her to bed earlier... And while she seems to love camp, today, she cried all morning that she just wanted to stay home...

Meanwhile, her 4 year old brother is my total opposite - comfortable in any new situation, eager to make friends, very matter-of-fact - no tears/weepiness.[/quote]

For me, I find that it is the easiest for me to respond when my kid is acting like me.  I remember what adults did when I was a child and what was helpful and what wasn't.  I think about what I find effective as an adult.  I also know that there is nothing wrong with being an introvert or having a few good friends rather than many, and it's easier for me to see her personality as the way she is, rather than something that needs to be corrected.  If she's crying and weepy and tired, she might just need a little more cuddling and reassurance to help her get through it.  Kids are who they are, and all we can do is help them be who they are in the world in a healthy, appropriate way.  [/quote]

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