Reply to I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The kids are 23, 20, 11.5 and 8.5.

Alcohol - boyfriend owns bars, so there's always alcohol around. the kids have all tasted. There is actually a fully stocked bar in our den. In our circle of friends/family once you go away to college, when you come home you can have your own glass at the table. You are NEVER too old that you can't call us for a sober driver to get you home. Both kids were taught how to hold a drink so nobody can slip a roofie in, to watch their friends drinks, to never leave their drink unattended, to always just get a new drink if they're unsure, etc.

Money - I also grew up super poor while my kids did not. What they need is always provided. You need new sneakers? Sure. You want a second pair of sneakers that just look cool? Save your allowance, and I'll go halfsies with you. You need a present for a birthday party? Sure. You've decided you want to give each of your friends a little goody bag for Halloween? I'll give you $10, you spend the rest. You have 47 t-shirts but found one at Forever 21 that you really like? Use your allowance. You don't have enough allowance? Find something I need done and offer to let me hire you to do it. I've paid my kids to shred a ton of paperwork. Clean the bathroom. Make and clean up from dinner three nights in a row (she regretted that one). Wash and wax the car. Give me a manicure. Shovel the driveway.

Allowance - I've always given a little less than half the going rate. The 8 yr old gets $3 a week. The 11 yr old gets $4.50. Because again, if they want more money, they can work for it. If they work for it, they will appreciate it more.

Computer usage/social media - I do not see age limits as laws, but as guidelines for people who can't create their own. My 11 yr old has an Instagram and Pinterest account, as well as an iPod touch she can text her friends with. I know her password and have seen her texts. We follow each other on Instagram. I know what she's "pinning" on Pinterest. There are times I've said things to her like "Hey, you know you're following an account where the first pic is "Spread your legs and come on in" right?" And then we talk about how gross and demeaning to women it is. Nobody uses electronics during meals. There are no phones/ipods on the table. iPod touch is closed at 9pm each night. When friends are over, they are not allowed to play on their phones.

Friends - good friends can still make bad decisions. I am, as of two nights ago, about to break up my 11 yr old with one of her friends. She's the only friend DD can walk to, and she's a grade older, but every SINGLE time DD is hanging out with her, her attitude ramps up, and she never winds up being where she's supposed to be. From now on they can only hang out while supervised. Be a nice person, and nice people will be attracted to you. Have friends of the opposite sex. Be loyal to your friends, but be more loyal to yourself and your parents. Don't be a gossip. Snitch to save a life. If you're not sure, tell me.

Food - learn to read labels, learn to read ingredients, learn to cook. let's crack open an egg from a chicken raised in someone's backyard and compare it to an egg from the supermarket. let's make a fist and compare it to how much food is on our plates. Is your mouth/mind hungry or is your stomach hungry?  It's very rare that I celebrate with food. When the 11 yr old got a black eye at school i got her an ice cream cone though. Have a little of the sweet things. If you're going to eat something bad for your teeth, enjoy the hell out of it and then brush your teeth. [/quote]
This is great! I want to see a spin off on how you managed high school stress and college applications.;)

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