Reply to I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We parented along the same lines and our children are now pretty well grown - 30, 27 and 22.

What we found is that along with what you stated, you have to have a sense of humor.  They are going to lie to you as teens, they are going to slack from time to time, they are going to experiment and they are going to get in trouble.  IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, so don't treat it that way.  Love them, don't be their friend, but be unshockable so that they can bring you their problems and get a fair hearing.

So, how did they turn out?  They went to state schools.  They pursued their passions.  Oldest has MSW and works for the local government pursuing a passion for helping teenagers at risk.  Second child will complete PhD in an obscure but profitable area of physics, completely paid for by his state school, where he teaches and conducts research on his passion.  Youngest will graduate with BS in ABA, already working his passion with children with autism.  Has decided to go to graduate school.

These were kids that were not limited on their screen time, that did not go to church as we do not believe in those things, and were not micromanaged or overscheduled into sports.  They pursued what they were interested in and we supported them in those weird enthusiasms, no matter what they were.

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+100

We've parented very similar to this approach and so far it has worked well. Kids are 18 and 15 and certainly aren't perfect, but are pretty damn good IMHO  :)

OP - your ways seem fine to me. Don't get caught with worrying about what other people do or think. Often times, people are showing you what they really want you to see because they are too caught up with keeping up appearances. Trust your gut about teaching, guiding and protecting your kids and it should work well. As the PP states, your kids will make mistakes and you need to understand and work around them. Never make them feel bad about those mistakes and, most importantly, don't be judgmental or shocked to the core when it happens. It will only make them afraid to come to you when they really need it. Also, when my oldest was in high school (she just finished 1st year of college) the kids who used to behave the worst were the ones whose parents were actually the most strict. Those parents would swear that their kids weren't doing anything wrong because they had "rules" and would proudly brag about them, but I often heard different stories from my DD and her friends. Interesting, my DD would tell me that she appreciated our open and honest relationship after seeing her friends act out. She never felt the need to push too many boundaries because we talked about so much - nothing is off limits in our discussions. It doesn't mean I liked everything and that she never got in a little trouble, but she was never afraid to talk to me (or her father). We are doing the same thing with our DS.

Also, one big factor that had helped me with parenting is maintaining and encouraging a real sense of humor in our relationships with the kids. Adding a little levity can help keep those walls from building up between you and your kids. Works wonders for us and my kids are really witty and funny kids to be around (but before I'm flamed - they know how to be appropriate in their humor!)

Good luck! I think your kids will turn out great!
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