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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly, I'd go so that your husband isn't saddled with the kids alone. And then if his mom and sister go off on their own, you and your husband can plan something fun with your kids.

I'd also not get involved in their dynamics--if your husband feels left out, then he's the only one who can step up and change things. But if you want to be magnanimous, then your DH can invite them to join your nuclear family on outings.[/quote]

OP here.  Thanks for the constructive feedback!  I have been more years than not, and I just can't make it this year.  It is kind of taxing, emotionally - and I have other things I could be doing.  It is difficult and stressful to go.  DH isn't crazy about it, but he goes to make his elderly parents happy.  They are not very nice people, however.  I guess you could say the IL's are kind of (very) angry. If you ask me, they don't even like each other.  It is hard to explain.  Whomever is most nasty tends to hang out with each other.  I never understood it, myself.  Their behavior is not something that has come with age, they have always been this way.  They are really, really into excluding DH. Oddly, the IL's do not seem to do this to anyone else.  I find that when DH does attend - he appreciates me hundredfold when he comes back home.  :)  No wonder!

Our families are very different, and honestly, I don't know why they invite us at all.  Maybe to say they invited us?  I just find their attitude really crappy; and now I come across that way for pointing it out.  I noticed no one really calls them on their shenanigans.  As if to say (even though I have been in the family many years) - "you are the recent addition, you have no right to point out how crazy and dysfunctional we are; and we are not going to be the ones to admit our foibles".

I get it, everyone has a dysfunctional family.  But these people make my family look outstandingly great (which says a lot). Maybe it is because we have a family that is able to laugh at ourselves and share our shortcomings, as well as our joys.  We don't tend to do things for appearance sake. You get what you get with us.  But inviting someone somewhere, then being nasty to each other, or leaving someone out - that is *not* what we do.  [/quote]

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