Reply to 16 YO DS Change in Eating Habits negatively affecting health

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm the first PP and honestly I think you bring some issues to the table, pardon the pun. I'm a pretty old parent, and I don't remember "a time where a kid being overweight did lead to parents being looked down upon and was a shameful/scary thing, it reflected negatively on you and your family." I don't mean to imply that I never saw a kid teased for being fat when I was growing up, but in my small town American childhood of the 1970s/80s, it was not shameful/scary nor did it lead to social ostracism. The most popular kid in my HS graduating class was a giant, kind oaf of a guy. It probably helped that he was a football player, but he and plenty of other popular boys (and at least a few girls) carried more weight than they should have then without any negative social repercussions. (Of course, the way they look now is one of the reasons I'm trying to nip this in the bud for my son.)

SO that's a long way of saying OP, it sounds like you've got some really intense sensitivities surrounding weight that might not serve you well in dealing with your teenager. A nutritionist or a counselor specializing in healthy eating might be really helpful in navigating this with your child.

And PP, the reason that I wouldn't focus on appearance, or to discuss it at all, is that I don't want my preteen either to become overly anxious about his weight or appearance - and I don't want this to become an adversarial issue between us. You do realize that boys can develop anorexia don't you? My son is lucky in that he's liable to remain insanely tall, so as long as we can get him eating more healthy and inspire him to be more active, he will outgrow his pudge. But even if that weren't the case, I can't imagine telling a kid to lose weight because he or she doesn't look good. Teenage years are the worst for so many kids, and encouraging self-hatred seems like a really disastrous dea.

I have talked about comfort with my son - it's not comfortable if your waistband is always tight! But mostly we focus on health, and whenever we impose constraints on his diet that he doesn't appreciate, I am very careful to explain that this is because we love him and because we want him to have the right fuel for his growing body. It's a billion times easier for me dealing with an 11yo, though, than for the OP whose son is old enough to deserve greater autonomy and his own money to spend. I wish you all the best OP - keep posting and tell us how it goes, I think you're not alone in dealing with this![/quote]

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