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[quote=Anonymous]I've got a DD who went through something similar.  I think one strategy is when your DD is not upset, to open up a general conversation with your DD again.

This conversation would be about while you will adhere to your agreement not to talk to the teacher, in general how teachers/parents generally, and you specifically can be used as swords and shields in this kind of situation.

(I didn't actually say "swords and shields" but you get the idea)

I think kids don't want their parents interfering because they don't want to lose control.  They don't want everything to get out of hand and the bully being punished--knowing they are being punished due to them--then afterwards the bully has completely targeted the kid again thanks to the punishment.

But what kids don't know is that parents and teachers can work in a variety of ways that don't create this nightmare scenario.  And it's important for a teacher or principal to collect data on a troublemaker--if no one talks, the school adults won't know what a a big problem the bully is.

It can be helpful for your DD to understand that you have other avenues of problem-solving that are not open to your DD.  Even if she elects to go it alone this time, she knows she's got a "safe" backup in you if it gets worse.  And she knows for the next time more about how it works on the adult level.[/quote]

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