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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a helicopter mom (nice MIL ironically) so my advice is set boundaries often an early.  The constant questions and observations are maddening and undermining.  Set strict limits on the time you spend with her.

Rules to keep in mind:

1.  DO NOT RESPOND -- at all -- to the "observations."  They are pure provocation.  And I mean, do not say a word.  So when she says "My goodness Larla, you really love to collect these little figures.  You must really, really like them."  JUST SMILE. Say absolutely nothing.  Yes, it is "unfriendly."  But anything you say in response "I have always loved Lalique, I love the color purple" is going to get twisted through her crazy filter or sprung back on you in some way.

2.  Find some benign ways to deal with the questioning that says nothing and shuts her down.  "What an interesting question!"   "We are talking to our pediatrician about that."  "We are considering that."   "If you say so, Larla."  Do not get into a deposition with her, because she will get into a socratic-method style question and answer which leads to the point being, you are wrong!

3.  Create specific activities if you have to spend time with her.  Do not leave periods of conversation and inactivity.  Mealtime, shopping, whatever.  And make sure your DH is there.

4.  Laugh about it afterward, a lot, with your DH.  The two of you MUST see the humor in her behavior.  This is essential.  After she leaves, decide what the funniest/craziest thing she said was, and repeat it to each other as a kind of code/did you know?  moment.

[/quote]

I do all of the above but DH thinks his mother is "easy to deal with" so it is maddening having to play defense on my own. I get questioned about everything in great detail every time I see her. So I limit my interactions to once a year.[/quote]

I stopped calling her back, and just jump in when DH calls her to keep it friendly. I stopped paying attention to what DH says she says and just do what I like. It still drives me crazy, but she's backed off - a little, and DH is starting to see the craziness.[/quote]

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