Reply to "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him

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Reply to ""Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him"

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[quote=Anonymous]Wwyd?

First his good points. My husband is kind, intelligent, thoughtful, caring, good looking, and a great father. He's a physician who works long hours and is passionate about his patients and practice area but still helps out 50/50 when he is home. I wouldn't say he's funny exactly but he has a sense of humor and can laugh at other people's jokes and life's little absurdities, which I appreciate. He's a runner who keeps himself fit. I notice other women checking him out occasionally. I LOVE his family, especially his mother and sister. They were a big part of his appeal when we were dating.

But. I'm not in love with him. I never was. I knew this at the time that we got engaged but I let my mom and closest friend talk me into marrying him with the idea that I was just nervous and scared of the commitment and that love could eventually grow. I was 33 at the time. I do care about him a great deal. But my heart doesn't jump when he walks into a room. I don't want him to throw me down on the bed and screw my brains out (or maybe that is the problem: I do want him to do that, or someone anyway, but the thought horrifies him). I don't get butterflies with him and never have. It's getting to the point where I physically recoil from him. My skin actually flinches on the inside. I think he suspects something is up because he's acting like kicked puppy and I feel bad but that just makes it worse. I want him to scream at me and curse me not just take my abuse. I tried to explain that but he didn't get it. We have two children and I'm 39. I've talked to my mom and BFF about this and they both think divorcing him would be a huge mistake. I work and make significantly less which is one thing but they also feel that the dating pool is shallow for 40 something women with children. Do you think that is just a sexist stereotype?

The thing is, the thing that I keep coming back to, is: shouldn't I be head over heels for my husband? I have felt that way before in the past so I know what it feels like. I know people say the crazy burning love feeling eventually passes. But shouldn't it have been there at one point? Then at least I would have my memories. I am too young to feel this resigned and dead inside.[/quote]

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