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[quote=Anonymous]I'm so sorry your mom felt the need to share this with you, OP. My mom did something similar and it's something that I've wished over and over that I didn't know.

I'm not sure what your relationship is with your father, but don't let this come between you. Was/is he a good father? Does he show his love for you? That's what your relationship should be based on. I'm sure it hurts like hell to know that he hurt your mother in this way, but you don't need to take on her cause. You absolutely can and should separate your judgment of him as a father from your judgment of him as a husband. You can acknowledge that he wasn't the greatest husband (if you believe your mother) and still believe he was a fantastic father (if he was).

I think it's reasonable to take one of two approaches: 1- let him know you know, 2- find a way to let it go.

1- Someone mentioned asking him to take a walk and letting him know what your mother told you without asking for an explanation. I think this is a good option if you feel you can't be in his presence without what you know bubbling out in anger. If I were you, I'd insist he not answer the "charges" against him, but just hear that you knowing that hurts. The downside to this approach is that your father may be living with guilt and regret already and knowing that you know may just deepen it for him. The upside is that you get it off your chest.

2- Letting it go will be hard, but it can be done. The ins and outs of your parents' relationship is really none of your business and your mother shouldn't have put you in this position. The downside of this approach is that you have to find a way to know what you know and not punish your father for it. Accept that things happen in a marriage and that your father's probably not proud of it. The upside is that your relationship with your father continues as is (which is only a good thing if it was good to begin with, if not, you may want to go with option 1 and try to rebuild afterwards).

Good luck either way you decide and big hugs to you. The death of one parent is hard enough without it tarnishing your relationship with the other.  :( [/quote]

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