Reply to Do you cut your "good kid" slack?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would reiterate safety rules and expectations when driving.  Not in a "lay down the law" approach but in a discussion.

I have one here (thankfully) who is pretty easy too.  He's only 14 but we give him more leeway than his brother had.  His brother had and still has no sense of responsibility.  He's 24 and still screws up on a regular basis and then wonders why his life is tough.

With the 14 year old, we have some good discussions over breakfast.  He does well in school, his teachers all praise how mature he is, and he makes good decisions with sometimes little guidance.  [b]Some kids don't need a bunch of imposed rules[/b].[/quote]

I agree with this advice.

With a kid like yours, OP, who sounds a lot like mine, the key thing to me is ensuring that she's not more stressed than you realize. Kids who are high achievers and very good at both academics and a demanding outside pursuit sometimes are tougher on themselves than we can see, and can feel a bit of pressure - mostly from inside themselves -- to be "perfect" all the time, since they know how much the adults around them value their discipline and responsibility and good choices. They also can be very good at hiding any stress they feel.

So just keep those lines of communication open with your kid and check in proactively at times. Don't wait for her to come to you; go to her at times and see if she needs a break from something, because she might not always ask (but bravo to her for asking for that day off school to do...schoolwork!). Just be sure she doesn't feel that she has to continue doing certain things "because that's what I do and who I am" when if she were told, "It's actually OK to take a break from X if you want, and that is an option," she might welcome it. My own kid was involved in a school-year academic competition that she did for several years in a row and loved, but this past school year, I just let her know, "Hey, if you want to take a year off this activity, it really is OK to take a break." She did, because she knew she would have some harder classes at school this year than last year, and it was the right thing to do. If I hadn't just put the idea out there she likely would have felt she had to sign up again, especially as her dad and I are participants in running these events so it's part of our family's life, not just her life. My daughter dances too, OP, and like yours has many ballet classes each week, but I do check in with her to see how things are going and how she's feeling about dance overall.

I know one family where the parents kept signing up the daughter for a sport over and over and the girl didn't have the heart to tell them that while she had loved it as a younger kid, she really did not like it any more and didn't want to continue. The mom later said the girl felt that "I have to do it because mom and dad expect me to do it" until she finally got old enough to assert herself and say, "I really would like to stop." That is one case that made me start asking my kid from time to time how things are going with her continuing activities and how she feels about them.

[/quote]

Thank you to both PPs - excellent advice.  I do need to check in with her more on how she is feeling about school and ballet.  She hasn't been stressed but I know that the next two years are going to be more stressful with college prep and testing.

Thank you.  [/quote]

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