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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In all the discussion about how often couples have sex and how much is normal/to be expected, I think it's important that both sides be understood. I am a DW with a low sex drive (thanks to some medicines I take.) Before I took these medicines I really loved sex. However, it's so hard for me now. I really do my best but if I'm not aroused, sex isn't just perfunctory, it's downright painful. There are times when I enjoy it but there are also times where I just pray it ends quickly because it hurts (of course my DH would stop if I told him, but I am trying to meet his needs as well.)

I bring this up because when you aren't aroused, or aren't able to get aroused, it's hard to have sex. It's not just like a chore that takes effort. It is a physical and mental exercise - and it's frankly miserable if you aren't "in the mood."

Just my 0.02. (We probably have sex 2-3 times per month, FWIW.)[/quote]

I'm sorry you're going through this. Any HD partner should be understanding when a physical health issue is what's causing the lack of libido. PP also points out that you can try and at least appear eager to give HJ or BJ to husband to make up for the lack of drive you have for PIV. That said, I don't know that the overwhelming # of sexless/deadbedroom relationships are due to health issues. In cases where they are not, LD partners really are putting their HD partners in an unfair spot (i.e., you can only sleep with me, but only when i want to have sex). Unless LD partner was always LD and HD knew this going in, if not bait n switch.[/quote]

In those cases where it's not due to a diagnosable medical issue, what do you suggest the LD spouse does about that? I mean, sure, they can just go along with it for the sake of the HD spouse, but is the HD spouse really going to be satisfied with sex where the LD spouse isn't really into it and just wants to get it over with? You can fake it sometimes (and I suspect that's often where the 2-3x a month comes in), but being expected to fake it 3-4x a week is putting the LD spouse in a pretty lousy spot as well. If a spouse is otherwise loving, caring, nurturing, etc., are you really going to divorce her over just sex? Because that's the only solution I see to what you've put forth. Even an open marriage, when entered into solely so one partner can get sex and not because it's something both spouses believe in philosophical, is likely to end there.[/quote]

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