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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]At 12, they are too old to call out in public because it just causes them to withdraw.  [b]You wouldn't want them to call you out on something in public, so you show the same respect[/b].  At 4, it's a different story.

At this age, you pull them aside privately or have a conversation with them about appropriate and inappropriate things to say around others and reminders to always think before speaking.  It has to be more of a dialogue.  They need to internalize the reason they are apologizing, not just apologizing on the spot because Mommy said so.

The mother was probably embarrassed herself on the inside (I know I have been many a times), but at some point in parenting you take on those embarrassments in public rather than embarrass your child and lose their trust and confidence in you.

If I get eye rolls or nasty remarks from others for my misperceived lack of parenting, I try to let it roll of my back.

OP- try not to judge the parent.  You don't know what parenting goes on in private and some kids can be particularly difficult no matter how much the parent demands manners.
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While I agree that the parent and child should be respectful of each other, I [b]would [/b]want my child to let me know.  We've always had the understanding that if someone is missing information, you provide it immediately (ie. Susie Q is talking to your Larla about a sleepover next weekend, I have no problem butting in and reminding her that her sister has a play performance, your Larla can either go home before the play or come along), and if someone does something inappropriate, [b]everyone [/b]in the family turns and looks at them, correcting verbally if the person doesn't immediately backtrack and apologize (my grandmother said something about a "Little Black Sambo," the kids were horrified, especially when she didn't see an issue with it; she wanted me to tell the kids not correct her, and she didn't want to listen to me explain that I don't buy into adults being infallible simply due to age).[/quote]

Of course the child should let you know and you should do the same.  You just do it privately.  Reminding someone of an appointment in front of everyone is one thing, publicly shaming your family member is another.

Actually, we've found that we don't have many issues (in public) because we handle it the way we do.  There's nothing like a 4 year old staring at an 8 year old who's starting to say or do something...  The 8 year old turns around to look at the adults who are looking at her the same way, it's done.  Usually nothing is ever said, the person corrects the issue immediately.  And the few times that I've said something the kids thought was inappropriate?  Not a problem with me that they gave me the look, I prefer that they think through what is and isn't appropriate, irrelevant of the age of the person.
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