Reply to About to split from child's father - Formal custody & support agreement or reach our own?

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Reply to "About to split from child's father - Formal custody & support agreement or reach our own?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree to get it in writing and have it approved by a court. I'm not sure how that works when there is no divorce but a family lawyer can tell you.

While it's great to have it in writing and court- approved, bear in mind that custody orders are always modifiable, upon a showing of changed circumstances, if the court finds it is in the best interests of the child. [b]So the PP who spent $80K - I'm not sure if this makes you feel better or not, but your ex could have sought a change in custody even if you had a formal, written agreement. It might have been more difficult, but he may have done it anyway, and if he pushed it far enough that you spent $80K he probably would have sought the modification anyway. [/b]

OP, I recommend taking care of this promptly. If you are amicable, this is the time when you are both most likely to reach agreement easily. The more time that goes by after the separation, the further you move apart in terms of living your lives and in my experience the harder it becomes to agree on things. [/quote]

PP here. 
That was the problem. We had a verbal, amicable arrangement for both of our children. We didn't have a child support/custody order filed with the courts. So you can imagine what happened when I sent DC1 and DC2 for their usual summer visit and he and his new SO decided not to send them back to me. "Modifying" our agreement didn't cost him a dime. I can assure you if he would have had to pay up front for an interstate battle, that never would have happened. Part of that figure was his non payment of our verbal child support too.

If you would have told me at the time we made this agreement that he'd ever be capable of such malice I would have never believed you. People change. [/quote]

Wow, PP, so sorry you had to go thru this.  If you don't mind my asking, did you get them back?  How long did they stay in his custody before the courts resolved the situation?  Were you able to file for some kind of temporary return to your custody before the whole thing was finally ordered?  What was the effect on your kids -- did they start school in the new location?  How did they feel about the whole situation?

Hope things are better now.  [/quote]

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