Reply to Making it all look too easy - a mistake? (Housework/cooking/errands/etc)

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[quote=Anonymous]I telecommute full-time, DH has about a 40 minute each way commute. We make roughly similar amounts (although I make slightly higher salary and between 5 - 25% more depending on bonuses, just for context). We've had this setup since we got married just over 2 years ago, so DH has never known any different. I sometimes joke he has the best of both worlds, a wife that makes a decent income and a stay-at-home wife to take care of the home fires.

The other day he made a very innocent comment about me having an extra hour and a half of free time every day. We were just talking about if he might want to look for a different job with a shorter commute. The funny thing is we used to live 5 minutes from his job, and he complained it was too close (he's a car guy and likes a chance to drive his car/motorcycle). I do agree 40 minutes kind of sucks (no traffic at least, and multiple routes he can take), and I'm encouraging of him looking for a different job if he'd like to. 20 minutes would be ideal I think. That's a little bit besides the point.

Anyway, that comment has been irking me a little bit, although I haven't said anything to him. As I'm thinking about it, I realize it's because he has NO IDEA how much I do around the house in that extra hour and a half. I do 100% of the cooking (we have a homemade meal 95% of the time, pizza or eating out maybe once a month). I do all the laundry (he puts his clothes away about 50% of the time, the other half I do it just because laundry is done mid-day), I do 100% of the cleaning, I handle any sort of daytime issues/errands/repairmen (calling about bills, sprinkler repairman last week, handyman this week, etc), I do all the yard work.

His chores are taking out the trash once a week, putting dishes in the dishwasher after dinner and unloading the dishwasher about 75% of the time, and he also does the grocery shopping (which is awesome and I am very appreciative of)! [b]I am NOT unhappy with the division of chores.[/b] I care a lot more about the house and his level of housework would make me crazy. I'm totally fine with doing the chores I'm doing. But what I'm realizing is - he doesn't even recognize that they are getting done!! He doesn't realize the house doesn't keep itself clean.

I really try to get the chores done in that window every day. I have the table set and dinner ready within 20 minutes of when he gets home every night, and I do my very best to have everything very "calm" when he comes home - dishes from prepping dinner already put in the dishwasher, house is tidy, mail has been brought in and sorted, etc. He comes home and everything seems like it just magically got done.

I think I need to start doing some more of the chores when he is home, and taking some of my down time when he isn't home. There wouldn't be any problem with that, we usually spend about an hour together and then go off to our own areas to relax for awhile in the evening, so it wouldn't be taking away from time together or anything. But I think he might realize what goes into keeping a house running smoothly.

I thought I was being a good wife and homemaker (which is an important role to me) by having everything look easy and smooth... but now I'm realizing, how can I expect him to know what goes into it when I always do it when he's not around? He's appreciative in the abstract, but he doesn't realize it is taking up most of that extra hour and a half every day to do the chores I do and cook.

I don't know, what do you think? Is there value in making sure he sees some of what gets done? I want to be clear - he's a great guy. He'll help with absolutely anything I ask him to - I don't want to ask him to do more. He's just a little oblivious and I want him to be aware of how much I take on around the house, without being so pushy as like "Let's make a list of chores" or anything like that. [/quote]

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