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[quote=Anonymous]
They are not toxic, don't belittle or berate you, don't stuff your kids' heads with lunacy (look all over DCUM for what constitutes toxic family and you'll find how fortunate you really are). Choose one or two visits each year that husband and kids will make alone, and go on the rest, with an agreement with your husband that you will get some alone time, and you, he and the kids will get some time with just your immediate family, doing something as a family without the in-laws.

We've done that for years. We always build in a few days for just husband, child and me at the start or end of our two-to-three-week trips to see his family in another country. it does help, as does staying in our own rental flat for that time. (If you are staying WITH his family, see if that can change and you can stay in a hotel at least on some trips -- it does make a difference to be able to go "home" to your own place at night, or bow out of an afternoon's visiting and go back to your own space.) If your visits are short so there is no chance to build in time for just you and your family, at least stay in your own space some of the time. I love my in-laws but still know it's healthy to have that space when visiting.

Meanwhile, if they are, as you put it, "not nasty," maybe they at least have some positives you can focus on here? At the least, can you look on visits as being there for your husband, not for them? It's really much more about supporting him than about having to click with them.

Also, you don't have to make small talk if you can find something to DO together with them. Then you, and they, are focused on the activity and not on trying to chit-chat.[/quote]

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