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[quote=Anonymous]A tween doesn't want us adults modeling anything for her. She isn't going to take in the explanations you're giving of what a good friend is, unless she takes it as your criticizing her friends -- and OP, criticizing her friends is the fastest route to making them much compelling to her. She's already feeling you're critical of them. That tends to make friends seem like forbidden fruit, "my poor misunderstood best buddy whom my parent just doesn't 'get,'" and so on. (Parent of younger teen girl here so I know where you're coming from, OP.)

Unless these two influencers are gettiing her to do stuff that's just plain wrong, then the only part of the post that goes beyond "Let her sort it out" territory is this:

"I know that the (2) friends have [b]tried to keep other friends away from DC[/b]. There is a ton of jealousy, and [b]telling DC what DC can and can not do[/b]."

They cannot keep other friends away from your child if your child is busy with activities that include other kids who are not these two girls. Rather than make these two a focus of discussion, modeling, etc., be sure your kid is doing something she truly likes and values that these other girls simply do not do. If your child has no outside activities beyond hanging out, being online or texting with these friends, being places with them -- that's an issue, and frankly it would be an issue even if you just loved these two girls. Kids need a broader base of friends by tween years for just this reason, so when things get too intense with friends from one world (like school), they can be with other kids who know them from an activity or church or volunteering or scouts or whatever they like to do. But OP, do NOT tell your child "You need to join Activity X so you can meet new kids." That will turn her off so fast her head will spin. She has to be interested in it and has to help choose. If she's already into somethign that the others don't do, see if there is more do to with that in summer.

Meanwhile: School's almost over. I found that summer, vacations, travel, "we've got plans that day, sorry, Sally can't come over" can cool off a lot of drama if kids are not either signed up to do everything together, or don't live right in the same neighborhood.

Importantly, does your daughter obey when they "tell her she can and cannot do," or does she stand up to them or say no at least some of the time? Does she talk with you about these friends or express her worries about their asking her to do this or that? If so - that is good; she's communicating with you. [/quote]

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