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[quote=Anonymous]This isn't really about "boundaries."  This is about the fact that your adult daughter does not respect you or your home, and you let her get away with it.

First, you can enforce your house rules in your house--if your grandson is eating in the living room, tell him not to.  Take the food away or move him from the room.  Buy baby gates and gate off areas you don't want him in.  If you keep him in just a room or two, it's less work to keep an eye on him when your daughter is flaking out.  I'd also pare down the pantry so that your home is no longer a source of candy or junk food.

You need to enforce some consequences.  If someone came over to do laundry and left my house a giant mess, they would not be doing laundry at my house.  Period.  I'd unplug the machine without telling them so it literally would not work, if I had to.

At a time when you are calm, tell your daughter that you love her and you love to see your grandson, but she needs to treat your house with respect--respecting rules about food in the living room, and cleaning up after herself and her son.  Apologize for criticizing her parenting, but stick to your guns on the need to treat you with respect.  [/quote]

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