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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, do not even think about shaming her-- she clearly has a mental or physical health problem.  Sorry but this is waaaay beyond bad parenting.  Even very badly parented kids usually manage to get to the toilet on their own by age 11.  Your expectations are not too high, but there are some real problems here.

I think you need to see a specialist.  Have a private conversation with the pediatrician or the doctor you took her to before, and figure out where you need to go with this.  This child needs your help.

[/quote]

I agree with this PP and the previous one, as a parent of a sometimes-gross 11 year old.  i.e., he lazily doesn't cut his nails, brush his teeth properly, and lies about washing his hair in the shower.

Your step DD clearly has some issues that require a trained and skilled therapist.   AND.  Her dad needs to stop being so *#@ checked out and washing his hands of the whole matter.

He will need to meet with the family therapist first, alone, without his DD present.  S/he will then tell him this isn't "being a kid."

Good luck, I'm sorry.  And whatever you do, do NOT have the shame talk -- I think your step DD has a mental illness and shaming her will only make it worse.[/quote]

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