Reply to Pet Peeve: "Passive Aggressive"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I cannot stand it when people use the word passive aggressive" to describe anyone that they have conflict with.

[u]passive aggressive[/u]: of or denoting a type of behavior or personality characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation, as in procrastinating, pouting, or misplacing important materials.

It is not passive aggressive for your MIL to tell you that she wants to take your family on a week long vacation to Shithole City where you will all stay in a one bedroom apartment.  You know what is passive aggressive?  Failing to have an open conversation with her about it in which YOU are honest and express your concerns about why that is not your ideal vacation.

It is not passive aggressive for someone not to invite you to their barbecue.  You know what is passive aggressive?  Not inviting that person to your barbecue because you are butt hurt about it.

It is not passive aggressive for your DH to go golfing on Saturday when you would rather them take your DD to a birthday party.  You know what is passive aggressive?  Giving him the silent treatment because he went golfing when you never told him you wanted him to be on party patrol.

I'm not saying that people who accuse others of being passive aggressive don't have anything to be upset about.  I'm just saying the word has begun to be used as a synonym for "this person annoys me."  Words have meaning, people!

Had to get that off my chest...[/quote]

Point taken.

But with the exception of the MIL vacation from hell, all of your examples could very well be acts of passive aggression.

Were you uninvited because the neighbor is holding a grudge, or just because he doesn't feel you'd be a good part of this particular mix?

Did DH go golfing in passive aggressive protest against feeling as though DW is always telling him what to do?

And frankly, MIL's vacation may be a passive aggressive way of getting back at DIL for some slight.

It all depends OP.
[/quote]

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