Reply to "Husband hunting" vs dating

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[quote=Anonymous]
I'm three years out from my divorce, and am feeling pressured by well-intentioned friends to start dating again. I know they want me to have fun. I recognize that I'm too young to simply give up on the chance of marrying again. My children have kept me happily occupied since their father left. I've done internal work with the help of a great therapist. My house is pretty much in order. I've started going out with girlfriends in the evenings.

From those of you who have BTDT, how do you manage to date? I'm not talking about the logistics, just the idea of dating casually without the added weight of finding someone who'd be a good life partner and father? It starts to feel very complicated once I entertain the idea of just dating for fun. It doesn't feel like something I want to do. I've broaden my group of girlfriends though, without any issues! I am interested in new friendships and have really enjoyed getting to know people who feel like a good fit for the life I have now. by this I mean, they know I'm not available at certain times or that they'll have to include the kids in their plans if they want to see me on occasion. Of course, this isn't always the case, but sometimes a friend has to make an effort, like come by the house and gossip over mimosas in the backyard while the kids play. I can't meet for a brunch out.

How do you do this with men you're interested in dating without seeming to move too fast? I'd like to make room for a male friend (eventual boyfriend?) but can't imagine introducing them to my children or having them in my home after only a couple of dates. Also, haven't the metrics of a good potential date changed since having kids? "He's cute!" used to be enough. Now, I worry about all sorts of other things and it stifles any urge to reach out.

Any advice on how to get started?

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