Reply to Ready to cut off from aunts, uncles and grandparents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If don't want any contact or minimal contact, you just don't respond or just decline invitations, etc. If you feel the need to make a big statement about cutting them off, your real goal is either attention or hurting/punishing them. Figure out what you really want, and act accordingly. Also determine whehter it is really EVERYONE that is so problematic.[/quote]

OP, this is good advice. [u]Don't [/u]do a big, dramatic "I'm cutting you off because I know what you said about me/husband" announcement. They'll just deny that they said anything and try to grill you about how you "know" what they said behind your back. Just stop saying yes to invitations and stop inviting any of these relatives to anything you are hosting or doing. They will of course ask why, will talk trash to each other about how you always turn them down etc.

But OP, you need to learn to care less about what they think. That's more easily done if you are busy building up your own life and interests with your new husband. Join something together, start spending weekends doing stuff you and he find is fun. Be too busy.  Do not over-explain or offer up information on what you're doing, as iin "We have to be at X that day."  Just say cheerily, "We can't be there, but you have a good time."

Also, take a moment to be glad that you (seem to) get along with your own parents, the generation with which you probably will have the most contact anyway, as you and your husband establish your own lives and your own home and have kids etc. If your parents are fine, you can distance yourself from the rest of the relatives more easily. The problem will be if your parents are OK with you yet still[i] expect [/i]you to see a lot of these other relatives. You might want to have a serious talk with your parents about the fact that from this point on, they should not be upset if you decline other events with these relatives. The parents need to know they are fine by you and you are not cutting them off. Be SURE to do more things with just your parents, though.

There is one worrying thing about the post. How did you find out what was said? Did your parents report it to you? If so--why? Any chance that whoever reported this to you has an ax to grind regarding these relatives and was sharpening it by pulling you into the negativity and tattling on the snarky relatives? If your parents told you, please talk with them and say that there's no need, in the future, to report back to you on anything at all that these relatives say, period. Then drop it, and if your parents (or whoever told you this stuff) again comes to you with "Listen to what auntie said!" nip it in the bud immediately and every single time: "Hey, like I said a while ago -- please don't let me know what Auntie has to say. I don't want to be drawn into her negativity. I'd rather talk about what you're doing these days." Change the topic instantly.[/quote]

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