Reply to Losing patience with a difficult ex; disengage or keep trying?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our very sweet DS was a surprise for both of us; conceived at end of relationship. I wanted the child and was in a position to support DS, my family was/remains on board and helps tremendously. Ex was ambivalent about child, and as I didn't give him a vote (and he earned much less than me) I asked that he remain involved in DS's life and we'd discuss child support as time passed.

DS is 3 now. We do fine financially. Ex has, disappointingly, never stepped up, neither emotionally nor financially. This isn't a post about needing CS. I can file at any time. The question is how long do I keep reaching out. Ex has established a pattern of radio silence as I attempt to keep him in the loop about school, camp, doctor visits, etc. I have to email him to put dates on the calendar for him and DS. I visit his family a few times a year so they can see their grandchild and he won't get involved with the visits, neither to confirm nor deny that he'll join us. He'll see DS 2x/month, max, for a few hours, and makes a big deal of telling me how busy he is.

I'm hitting a wall. I've essentially never asked this guy for anything except to be a dad to a kid neither of us planned for, but is here regardless, and is a beautiful, great kid. I'm raising him alone and working full time and ex feels entitled to rattle off his schedule to me (I remember how much free time I had before DS and this really gets under my skin), as well as be unreliable and absent.

I know some of you will tell me to file for CS and call it a day, but I'll be honest; he's a pretty emotionally unhealthy, manipulative person, and CS will complicate things down the road re: parenting decisions I may need to make. This isn't about limiting their time together. I want them to spend time together. I don't want to give him leverage I'm certain he'll use at DS's expense.

To be clear, this isn't a guy I want to be personally involved with. But, given that I chose to go forward with this pregnancy, I feel an obligation to my son to keep the two of them connected, despite ex's lack of efforts. I'm losing patience however, and wondering if I should just go dark. Thanks for your kind thoughts.[/quote]

You are asking a lot from someone who did not want a baby. Seems like he was just too chickenshit to say it at the time.

Keep in touch with his family and stop contacting him. I would ask him to make sure his contact info is up to date in the event your DS wants to contact him at any point. [/quote]

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