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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Have you asked your husband about this?

My husband does not have a close relationship with his mom. He acknowledges that it's both their faults. She was not a particularly loving mother, not very maternal, not nurturing. He was a badly behaved teenager (drug issues, school issues, etc.) who left home at 17 and then had fairly minimal interactions with his parents until he was about 35. He still does not enjoy spending time with her, but he does it, because he knows that she loves DD. If she lived locally, he would make an effort to facilitate their relationship even though he is basically on edge the whole time she's around.

He is perfectly happy to have me be the custodian of the relationship. She lives in Florida and we go to see her about once a year. I make and execute the plans. She seems okay with this arrangement as well.[/quote]

OP here.  Similar situation. She's not very warm or nurturing.  He also had troubles as a teenage and left home early, got married at 19.  Other siblings moved far away.  MIL doesn't have close relationships with any of her grandchildren either.

I'm not sure I want to be the custodian of the relationship.  Should I be? Is it my job?  Yes, it's a relief for him, so he won't have to deal with her.  I invite her over and suggest we visit her, but it never gets reciprocated.  Should I stop?

[/quote]

PP here. It's not your job. If you don't want to do it, then don't. He doesn't have to have a relationship with his mom and neither do you. If that bothers her, she can be the one to reach out.

I like my MIL a lot and do not have his childhood baggage associated with her, so she doesn't bother me. I don't need her to be my mother, since I have a mother of my own. She is funny and smart and loves her son, but when she was younger, she had issues. I think she has fewer issues now, but I'm not going to tell him how to manage his own feelings about his mom. The reality is that he was really struggling as a teenager and probably could've used some love and warmth, and she was not able to give him that.[/quote]

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